No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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