The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
