I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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