it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
