:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
