Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
