Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just pee around me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
