Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
