I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
