Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
