I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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