Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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