I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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