You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
