The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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