my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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