New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
