I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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