I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
