Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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