ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
