if i can run in heels then i can drive
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
