Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
