Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
