my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
