Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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