Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
