Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Four minutes until I can fart!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
