Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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