I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
