She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
