I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
