Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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