So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
