you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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