I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
