Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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