Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Drake has all the answers
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
