Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
