i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
