How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Quick, to the slutcave!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
