Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
