just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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