I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
