so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
