When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
