I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
