remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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