mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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