Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
